I Think, Therefore, I Am What I Think

While cleaning and packing, I came across this scribbled in one of my notebooks. I thought it was interesting, and thought I'd transcribe it for your reading pleasure. Not that anyone actually reads this, but somehow I still feel better knowing that someone COULD possibly read it, someday, somewhere.

On Positive Thinking:

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right."

What do we really think about leading ourselves to success by our thoughts? I see in my mind's eye an excessively "sincere" guidance counselor, telling me to think more positively. I am rolling my eyes. Maybe I can walk around saying, "I can do anything I put my mind to!", but that doesn't necessarily make it true.

But what if it does? What if our thoughts have the ability to change at the very core how we actually perform? How others treat us? How the Universe treats us?

I believe in agency--that I have freedom of choice. I believe in accountability--that I will be held responsible for my choices. I believe--as most of the world believes--that when a person makes a choice or takes a certain action (or inaction), certain reactions will follow. In very simple terms, if a woman forgets her umbrella on a rainy day, the natural consequence of that act is that she will get wet. If a man leaves a loaf of bread in the oven for too long, the natural consequence of that action is that the bread will burn. Do I believe that our thoughts have the same kinds of consequences that foillow them?

There are numerous exhortations in the LDS canon to keep our thoughts clean. Indeed, I'm sure everyone of my faith would agree that there are consequences for thinking impure or immoral thoughts. I am, however, doubtful that we fully comprehend how our agency and accountability can be used in our "mere," everyday thoughts.

I speak mostly of the thoughts we think about our own selves. It's much easier for us to wrap our minds around the idea of thinking charitably toward others. We understand it's not nice to think about a person, "She's really dumb," or "He is so ugly," but how do we react when these thoughts enter our own minds, and about our own selves?

In Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life, she suggests using positive affirmations ("I love and approve of myself") to replace thoughts and feelings of negativity in our lives. At first, I thought that was a ridiculous idea, and it could make no possible difference. It didn't take me too long to realize, though, that I was actually inundating myself with negative self-talk.

As a beautiful girl passes me, I think, "I'll never be as pretty as she is." As my teacher asks a question, I think, "I just don't get it. I must be so dumb." As my eyes fall upon an attractive man, I think, "He'd never go for someone like me." I'm always "too _______" or "not ________ enough."

I constantly berate myself for not being good enough in one way or another. I never congratulate myself for having done something--anything--well. Is that realistic? Is it healthy? Helpful?

Once I became aware of how many negative thoughts I was sending myself, I was shocked. If anyone else were to talk to me like that, I would never stop crying. I would hate myself and hate the person speaking to me. Or perhaps I would grow hardened. At any rate, this voice is internalized, constantly telling me everything that is wrong about me.

But what's so bad about that? At least I'm not victimizing others with my negativity. After all, I'm much nicer to everyone else than to myself. Still, can I act positively while thinking so negatively? I've been noticing all the smiling faces in front of mournful eyes. Perhaps this is the result of inner negativity.

I believe that thoughts DO make a difference. After all, aren't thoughts the beginning of everything we do in the first place? We can hardly do anything at all without first thinking about it. If I am constantly telling myself that I am stupid or ugly or fat or unkind or selfish, then what can I do but act in a way that supports those thoughts? If, however, I decide that I am beautiful, healthy, loving, kind, sincere, intelligent, and anything else I would like to be, then I should likewise be able to find evidence to support that belief. The more frequently I find positive evidence, the more I become what I wish to be.

Maybe it's time for an experiment. If I determine who I really am at the very core of my soul, then can I shed all the impediments I have placed upon myself? I always feel when I fall short that that is not truly characteristic of me, even when it happens quite often. That is because I really know that I am better than I sometimes act. All I need to do is allow my daily, hourly, every-moment thoughts to support my inner belief and understanding of who I am. Let's see what happens.