Left Out

Sometimes, I feel like life is happening all around me, and my participation therein is limited to being excited for things that happen to the people who are near and dear to me. And don't get me wrong--that's fun, but sometimes I wonder when my own day will come.

Jeanettie is engaged. Charity is engaged. (More on this later.) Brennie is going on a mission in a week and a half. Becky gets BACK from her mission in a little more than a month. It's springtime, and people are falling in love. I don't even feel like I have any viable prospects these days. There are a handful (well, a very small handful) of guys that I'm interested in, but it doesn't seem that they reciprocate, so I don't know. Plus, I'm out of here in a month. I guess graduation falls into the category of "major life milestones," but it still seems kind of boring when juxtaposed with love and romance and springtime. Sigh.

So, Jeanette and Charity are two of my three favorite people that I have met in my time here at BYU. They are diametrically different people--and somehow, I am exactly like both of them. In every way that I am unlike one of them, I am like the other. It's eerie. In any case, these two favorite friends of mine are both getting married this summer. In August. On the 25th. 1350 miles away from one another. Sound like a dilemma to anyone else? I don't want to choose. Blah. It will all work out somehow, right? RIGHT?!

I got cat-called and leered at yesterday as I was walking home with my cello. Maybe some women find that degrading, but I actually am encouraged by it. Sure, it objectifies me. Sure, it reduces me to a bunch of body parts. Nonetheless, it makes me feel good about myself. You see, I always wonder if I'm physically attractive, if a man would ever want to be with me. That's the part that I worry about. I think that I'm a pretty good person on the INSIDE, and my beliefs are reinforced by those around me. Usually, though, the only people who tell me I'm pretty are other girls, or men over the age of 50. It's nice to feel desired by someone of the opposite sex who is a member of my same demographic.