Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

I keep forgetting that I'll be out of here permanently in a few weeks. I keep forgetting that maybe I should say "goodbye" more carefully than just a muttered, "See ya later," or a blown kiss, or a high five. This is more than "smell ya later." This is full on, "I may never see you again in my life."

You know how "bittersweet" is an emotion? There should be others. Happysad. Excitedscared.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I don't know what to feel anymore. I miss Texas, but I'm worried that as soon as I arrive back in D-town, I'll miss Utah (well, maybe not Utah . . . but the people that are in Utah). In some ways, I feel like I'm leaving just as I'm hitting my stride. At the same time, it's true that I can't just freeze time here forever. It'll never be the same as it is at this moment. People leave. People change. I am not who I was when I came here four years ago.

In a way, it's for that very reason that I'm scared to go back to Denton. The friends I had in high school . . . will they still be my friends now? I've grown and changed, and so have they. What if we're not compatible anymore? What if, despite my deepest desires to the contrary, I have assimilated to BYU-culture and will return to Denton as much a fish out of water as I was upon my arrival here four years ago?

Sigh.

In Other News, I've decided that I am, in fact, an affection slut. There are several factors that play into this:
1. I've always been a cuddly-type.
2. I have no personal space bubble.
3. I have problems saying "no."
4. Making other people feel good makes me happy.

I worry about myself for these reasons. While I've been here in the Happy Valley, no one has really tried to take advantage of me . . . well, not in so many words (there is no such thing as "hand-holding rape"). Outside of the Valley, though, I'm afraid I'll be an easy target. Hmmm . . . I really need to learn how to say no.

But . . . I really like cute boys. A lot.