Know Thyself

Lately I've been wondering: is it easier to know yourself, or to know someone else? Because you'd think it would be easier to know yourself, but a lot of times it makes a difference to be a third-party observer. Our perceptions of ourselves are often untrue, but that's all we have upon which to build our self-images. When we observe others and form our ideas of who they are, we have evidence from the things they say, the things they do, the way they interact with others . . . with ourselves, it's very hard to be objective about it at all. I think it's probably impossible to know oneself unless you are attempting to do so through viewing one's own interactions with those around him or her. Just a thought.

On an unrelated topic, I've decided that it's sad how I've made myself hate the cello so much. Deep down inside, I love it. I just forget that sometimes. Regularly. Once a week. On Tuesdays. From 4-7pm. And so, I begin to dread the process, which leads me to avoid it, which leads to me feeling guilty and miserable--BECAUSE I'M NOT DOING WHAT I LOVE TO DO. Talk about a vicious cycle. I feel better about myself when I'm playing cello a lot. Somehow the universe seems to line up better. I'm not entirely sure which is the cause and which is the effect.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Cause and effect. How thought relates to reality. I know we've all heard those things that say we create our own reality, but I'm beginning to believe it. After all, I can find evidence to support almost any theory I have. If I want to believe that a person is lazy, disorganized, inconsiderate, or unkind, I can certainly find the necessary evidence. If I want to believe that a person is responsible, thoughtful, loving, or intelligent, I can find evidence to support that. None of us is purely one thing or another. Everything is everything, as Lauryn Hill says. I believe her. So why do I spend so much time dwelling on all the negatives that I see in myself? The positives are there, but for some reason I don't like to think so much about those. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Especially when the switch is in my own hands.

In any case, I think I'm a happier person when I focus on the evidence that says I'm a good human being, that I'm on the right path. For some reason that's just a much more satisfying way to go about living.