The Bad Mood Monster

I'm in a really pissy mood right now. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe I'm mad at myself for never being able to make it to my 9am class on time. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the first words my roommate spoke to me this morning were to verify something that I was wrong (and she was right) about last night. Maybe it's because the next words she said to me were, "I remember when I used to think that in high school." Whatever it is, I don't like it.

I found some cheering up in walking through the Wilk past a folk dancing class. Walking past dancing classes in the Wilk always makes me happy, partly because it always makes me laugh, and partly because I halfway wish that I were IN the class.

I don't know, though. Sometimes I just get in these funks where everything annoys me. Usually it can be attributed to PMS, which may be the case here (although the timing is a little off). I guess it could be hormones, anyway.

Maybe part of it has to do with the raging jealousy that I feel for having just watched my brother and his new wife be ridiculously happy together after their wedding on Friday. I think I feel underappreciated. And to further exacerbate matters, I think I feel like there is little reason for me to be MORE appreciated than I am. Why is it that some days everything looks so black, and I get the feeling that all the negative beliefs I hold about myself are true?

You'll always hear people telling you that if you're feeling low about yourself, to serve someone else, and that will make you feel better. The problem lies in the fact that if you're feeling underappreciated, and then you serve someone who fails to acknowledge your service, you really end up feeling worse than when you started. Maybe I don't have the right attitude about it all, but it's immeasurably difficult to come out of a bad attitude like this one all by oneself. I need the help of others, but I feel like everyone else is at least mildly annoyed with me since I've been somewhat testy of late.

I just need a hug. I just need someone to say, with or without words, that I am worthwhile to them. That they appreciate what I am. That I am, to them, something that no one else can be. As Mary puts it, I need sweet somethings.

But nobody will read this, so I can't hope for any through this.