Keep Your Hands and Feet Inside the Vehicle . . .

I would classify the past few weeks as having been an emotional roller coaster. I don't know what it is, but lately my emotional state has been just about as consistent as the Texas weather in the same amount of time (for the record: including torrential downpours, freezes, fires, ridiculous winds, and a few perfect days).

The weirdest thing about it all is that I can't seem to figure out a cause and effect relationship in my crazy emotions. I wonder if it's stress. I know my last post was just talking about how I felt like I was finally getting a handle on life, but I suppose if I'm honest with myself, I'm realizing that I still have a ways to go. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions, and my life seems to be constantly at odds with itself. At the crux of the issue is the fact that EVERYTHING in my life seems to want to be my number one priority. I've always been bad at prioritizing anyway, but I've never been more conflicted with everything I'm doing. I think I used to be able to do everything, because I didn't have such conflicts.

And so, I'm realizing that it's impossible for me to do it all--at least, until I figure out how to exist simultaneously in more than one location. The sad thing is that I don't want to give up any of it. If I didn't want to do things, maybe I would have an easier time saying 'no.'

Nevertheless, I feel sad for people who have been around me in the past little while. I've felt quite unstable and out of sorts. Sometimes I cry unnecessarily, or am short with people for no good reason, or feel really happy, or feel like a complete failure at everything . . . and it's frustrating because I'm at least sensible enough to recognize that I'm off the charts, but somehow still not sensible enough to make sense of myself. I can say, "Self, you're acting CRAZY!" but I have no idea what may have brought said craziness about or how I could possibly make it stop.

All that said, I've got to say that I feel much better about things now that I've cleaned my room. There's something incredibly therapeutic about transforming a room from a state of chaos into a state of order. If only it were so simple.