Motivation = Zero.

There is so much I need to do today, and so far, I've done none of it. I practiced for a few minutes. That's about it.

On my to-do list are things like laundry, cleaning of my room, reading 70 pages of stuff about Indian music, studying for Theory, practicing (orchestra music, Popper #1 and #6, Brahms Trios, baroque cello, and stuff for orchestral excerpts class), listening to the Brahms Clarinet Trio, cleaning the bathroom, getting on the treadmill . . .

So, I update my blog. Good use of time, Harlos.

I was thinking the other day about giving compliments. It's something I'm pretty bad at. The interesting thing is that it's not because I can't think of nice things to say, I just have trouble saying them. You know what makes it worse? Let's say you're talking to your friend, and then all of the sudden your friend compliments you on your hair or something. This catches you off guard. You stumble a while and come up with something like, "Thanks, your hair looks good too," which will ALWAYS sound like an insincere cop-out even if you WERE thinking it beforehand. So I generally avoid saying anything at all in these instances, for fear of sounding insincere.

I wonder why I censor myself so much. Shouldn't I be eager to share with others all the nice things I think about them? The other factor that scares me is that people will read too much into the compliments. Like, if I tell a boy that I think he has a nice smile, he'll probably think I'm hitting on him. Or if I tell a girl her hair looks nice, she'll think, "Well, how does it USUALLY look?!" I guess that's a stupid reason to hold back. I wonder what would happen if I followed every impulse I had to say something nice to someone.

I think I also hold back to keep people from getting too overinflated (as if it's my place to monitor other people's egos). Even though I've semi-recently decided that even arrogance is a function of self-consciousness, I still have reservations about letting people get too cocky. Also silly.

I guess the fact of the matter is that everyone needs building up. And while I'm not the type who tries to tear people down, I guess in my cautiousness to let people know all the good things I think about them, I am missing out on lots of opportunities to allow them to believe what I say. Because you know . . . if I say it, I MEAN it.