What I Want

Over the weekend, I was watching the movie Hitch. There's a line that says something like, "No woman knows what she wants until she finds it." I think in my case, that's true. Or at least the first part.

There is no secret to my lamentations about living the single life. Although, it's not really that I dislike being single so much. It's more that I dislike the IDEA of it, and the IDEA of myself never having experienced the Other Side. That's right. At the ripe old age of 22 (very almost 23), I have never had a boyfriend. Unless you count those that I had from the 7th-9th grade, when for some reason boys liked me (although, since then, one or more of them has decided he likes boys). Ironically, that all ceased almost immediately after I reached the age of 16--when I actually COULD date.

So, I *think* that I would like a boyfriend--but how would that actually be? I can think only of the benefits: someone to talk to to cuddle with, to go to things with. I'm sure there is a downside, too, and maybe it's really NOT what I want.

And *who* would I want my potential boyfriend to be? I've never been one to have in my mind a "type," and as a result of this, I don't really know what I "should" be looking for. For instance, yesterday at church there was this pretty-boy type teaching my Sunday School class. Usually I'm pretty turned-off by that kind of boy--they are too impenetrable and fake--but later on in the lesson he let down his guard a little bit and turned into this shy, awkward little kid. I found it really endearing. I guess it humanized him for me. You always hear about people looking past the outside to see the beauty within. Usually, people use that kind of phraseology when they're talking about "ugly" people, but I think it applies just as readily to "attractive" people. I think pretty people use their prettiness to protect their tender hearts from being so visible and vulnerable.

I don't know where I'm going with all this. I guess I just have a lot to figure out about who I am and what I want.