The Law of the Garage Door

There is a strange phenomenon in my life, which I have come to call the Law of the Garage Door.

When the Garage Door is wide open, you don't think, "Hey, I'd better get the rake out of there, in case I need it." If the Door is open, you figure you have all the time in the world to get the rake if you want it. What's the hurry? The rake's not going anywhere.

The moment that the Garage Door begins to close, though, the rake becomes a matter of urgency. You may not even want the rake right then, but there is that gnawing possibility that maybe SOMEDAY you'll need it, and if that Garage Door closes with the rake still inside, you're S.O.L. ("so out of luck," as Ms. Ellis would say).

This happens all the time in dating. That's why when a sister missionary puts in her papers, all of the sudden the boys are clamoring for dates. The Door is closing.

In my life, it happens right before I am about to leave a place. I can spend four years of near-datelessness--the Door is wide open. The moment the Door shows signs of closing . . .

Maybe it's not the possibility of wanting the rake at all. Maybe it's the fact that if the Door is closing and they try really hard to get the rake, but don't quite make it under before it shuts, they don't have to feel like the rake didn't want to go with them. They can just say, "Yeah, too bad that Door shut."

If it doesn't work out between me and him or him or him or him, we can all say, "What lousy timing! Sucks." No one has to feel bad about themselves. It's the ultimate solution for someone who is afraid of commitment. We can follow the social scripts without the expectation of a Relationship, since I'm leaving in a couple of weeks. Brilliant.

By the way, I'm looking for a summer fling. If you're interested, apply within.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

I keep forgetting that I'll be out of here permanently in a few weeks. I keep forgetting that maybe I should say "goodbye" more carefully than just a muttered, "See ya later," or a blown kiss, or a high five. This is more than "smell ya later." This is full on, "I may never see you again in my life."

You know how "bittersweet" is an emotion? There should be others. Happysad. Excitedscared.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I don't know what to feel anymore. I miss Texas, but I'm worried that as soon as I arrive back in D-town, I'll miss Utah (well, maybe not Utah . . . but the people that are in Utah). In some ways, I feel like I'm leaving just as I'm hitting my stride. At the same time, it's true that I can't just freeze time here forever. It'll never be the same as it is at this moment. People leave. People change. I am not who I was when I came here four years ago.

In a way, it's for that very reason that I'm scared to go back to Denton. The friends I had in high school . . . will they still be my friends now? I've grown and changed, and so have they. What if we're not compatible anymore? What if, despite my deepest desires to the contrary, I have assimilated to BYU-culture and will return to Denton as much a fish out of water as I was upon my arrival here four years ago?

Sigh.

In Other News, I've decided that I am, in fact, an affection slut. There are several factors that play into this:
1. I've always been a cuddly-type.
2. I have no personal space bubble.
3. I have problems saying "no."
4. Making other people feel good makes me happy.

I worry about myself for these reasons. While I've been here in the Happy Valley, no one has really tried to take advantage of me . . . well, not in so many words (there is no such thing as "hand-holding rape"). Outside of the Valley, though, I'm afraid I'll be an easy target. Hmmm . . . I really need to learn how to say no.

But . . . I really like cute boys. A lot.

Oh, I guess I'll miss BYU

Things on my "must-do while at BYU" list that remain yet undone (and will probably never be done by me):

*hike the Y
*go skiing
*have a boyfriend
*take Social Dance 180
*attend DanceSport
*attend a Vocal Point concert
*watch an entire BYU sporting event
*go on a blind date
*go to a mocktail party
*makeout under the Bell Tower
*go on a date to devotional, fireside, stake or general conference, etc.
*learn the Cougar Fight Song
*purchase BYU apparel
*be an EFY counselor
*eat at the Skyroom
*take a class from Bro. Bott
*speak in a BYU ward
*go to the Holi festival at the Hare Krishna temple
*go to the Llamafest at the Hare Krishna temple