System Overload!

There is so much going on right now I don't even know where to start. Never before have I been so blessed and so tried at the same time. I can already tell this year is going to be a huge learning experience for me.

I've started into my new job, TAing for the baroque orchestra. It's been really good so far, and I'm enjoying it very much. I still don't know how much I'll be making, but it's the perfect job for me right now. I've already got a few gigs lined up for this semester, which is also nice. Hooray for being gainfully employed! Wedding plans are crawling along, and I'm excited to delve deeper into those once I figure out when I have time to do so. I have the most wonderful fiancé in the world--he's such a blessing in my life, and it means the world to me to have his support and loving hand in such crazy times as this . . .

Today is my birthday: at 4:54 AM, I turned 24.

A few hours later, about 5 AM Hawai'i time (about 9 AM here), my grandfather passed away. He's been battling cancer for the past few months, and the last few weeks in particular have been rough. We've all been expecting it, but it's still a lot to process. He died peacefully, surrounded by family, and his physical suffering is now come to an end. It's really kind of a relief, actually, but it's always sad when someone you love leaves the planet.

To add to the pile of already conflicting emotions and stresses, I spoke in church today. For those unfamiliar with the LDS Church, our sermons are not given by preachers or priests, but instead by members of the congregation. My commission was to give a 15 minute talk on "Opening Our Hearts," based on a talk from our General Conference which was not itself any more than probably seven minutes long. I scarcely made it to the podium before I burst into tears, and only slightly regained composure after that.

Yet another dimension to this is the fact that I've been asked to speak at Grandpa's funeral. I'm to be the last speaker, and to speak on eternal families. In the LDS Church, we have a strong belief in eternal families, and the importance of the family in God's plan. Interestingly enough, though, I'm going to be speaking to an audience of people who are not themselves LDS. I really need some help to give this talk, because it's something so dear to my heart, and I know my emotions will be just barely below the surface. I need help to be able to deliver such an important, meaningful, and timely message with the dignity and clarity it requires.

All in all, my heart and my brain are both on overload. I just don't know where to place all this information (the hormones probably aren't helping--Thanks, Aunt Flo!), and I find myself completely at a loss as to how to react to anything. I guess all I can do is to continue to thank the Lord for all the blessings in my life and all the many opportunities. It will take a while for me to sort through all of this, but in the mean time I'm glad to have the support of a wonderful family and a great fiancé. I am so blessed.

The Juxtaposition Game

Lately, I've been thinking of how it's funny to put things that are different against one another and laugh at what separates them. Everybody likes to laugh at differences! Here're a few gems:




How the Democratic National Convention does cowboy hats. They look like pretty normal people, right?




How the G.O.P. Convention does cowboy hats. Now, I'm not making any political statements here, but I will say that I have a hard time taking people seriously who dress in matching cowboy hats if they're anyplace but a rodeo (or, y'know, my high school's Honor Guard).

Here's another one:



"Hi, I'm a Mac."




" . . . and I'm a PC." I particularly like how they're doing the same thing, but Steve Jobs just looks SO MUCH COOLER than ol' Bill Gates.

Then, of course, "it's like . . . "








There you go. Lots of fun, eh?

10 Things I Used to Dislike But Now Like:

1. Drinking water. I guess when you're a kid you're all about milk and Kool-Aid and stuff (not that my mom let me drink Kool-Aid as a kid), and I thought water was gross. Nowadays, I can't get enough of the stuff.

2. Taking showers (versus baths). You can't splash as well, but it makes rinsing your hair easier.

3. Brushing my teeth. I used to be a terrible brusher, but I think I was scared straight when I had two cavities once. Ever since then, I get nothing but rave reviews from the dentist, and take great pride in my oral hygiene.

4. Tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, sharp cheddar, mustard, pepper, oatmeal cookies, yellow squash, grape nuts, fish, sprouts, Altoids, and dark chocolate.

5. Attending classical music concerts.

6. The fact that I'm half-Japanese.

7. Cleaning my room.

8. Nonfiction.

9. Exercising.

10. Sleeping.

My Birthday Wishlist

As you all know, my birthday is rapidly approaching. I don't want you all to stress out about finding me the perfect gift, so in order to make it easy for you, I'll post some great gift ideas in varying price ranges, although in no particular order.

*Canon PowerShot 8.0 MP digital ELPH camera. I don't really expect this at all, but the real fact of the matter is that I don't expect to get ANYTHING on my list, so I can dream, right?? I somewhat hate my current digital camera, and I've heard nothing but positive reviews from those who have Canons.

*Heroes, particularly season 1 (but secondarily season 2)

*a bike lock

*gift cards are always fun

*the Black Hole rockstop

*mechanical pencils

*a Korg tuner

*your favorite CD

Home again, home again . . . jiggity jig.

Well, Texas is as Texan as ever, and I'm glad to be back in the Lone Star State. That said, I should also say that I do, in fact, miss those wonderful people with whom I spent those six weeks in Vermont, albeit some more than others. There were some really neat kids there, and I hope to cross paths again someday . . .

Nevertheless, the reigning emotion is definitely a happy one. I got to see the Pre-Hub for a little while right when I got in, which was nice. I am now sure, though, that it's going to be rough for these next four months or so when we won't be able to see very much of one another. It'll all work out, though.

Auntie, Uncle, and Cousin blew in from Boulder last night and left this afternoon. They met The Boy whilst he was visiting the Denver area a few weeks ago, and (of course) they reported positively on the meeting. They said they were impressed he was so composed and such a good sport about it all. I got a good one, that's for sure. :-)

I cannot believe school starts next week. I have hardly even thought of it. In fact, I somewhat forgot that I even WENT to school--I guess it's just been the last thing on my mind what with wedding stuff and then Vermont-ness. Strange, really.

Yikes.

If I thought I was anxious to be home before, I am at least twenty times more anxious now. Recent events have left me totally disenchanted with the human race, for reasons which I don't really feel good about publishing on my so widely read blog. The main point is that I feel like there have been violations of basic human decency; this, added to the already rampant gossip and backbiting that is going on, leaves me completely exhausted and dreaming of a place where people can at least pretend to get along.

It's been a while since I've been the recipient of such anger (for a few moments, I thought I'd NEVER been, but I quickly remembered distinctly another such instance), and I just don't do well with being yelled at. I'm a lover, not a fighter, and in my mind, everyone should just be able to get along, at least enough to have a positive working relationship.

The negativity of this environment has proven very toxic, and unfortunately it's also completely contagious. The moment one person starts finding faults and pointing them out, everyone else will find other things that should be different, people who should be fired, people who should be forbidden to talk, etc. Soon, everyone around is criticizing everyone else, but no one is saying anything to anyone's face. The result is an environment where people don't trust one another, and where very little growth will take place.

I've been largely unsuccessful myself in maintaining innocence as far as all this goes. I complain along with everyone else, because--at least for a time--it makes me feel a little better about the situation. Interestingly enough, the universal bitching at least lends a certain sense of unity; after all, misery loves company. However, the truth is that no amount of negativity is ever productive. There is certainly something to be said for candid (but careful) honesty, and for constructive criticism, but one never needs to resort to being unkind, being curt, or disobeying the common laws of human decency.

That said, I would just like to say that Tuesday cannot possibly come soon enough. I'm ready to be in a positive environment again.

Yargh . . .

It's almost over, I keep telling myself. It's almost over.

A week from tomorrow, I'll be on my way back to Texas, and I could not be happier about that. I have enjoyed my time here. I've been able to play great music and been able to meet some really cool people. There are certainly problems with this particular festival which I could discuss with you ad nauseum, but all in all I guess I'm glad I came. I've been fighting a somewhat toxic environment, but I'm learning a lot about how to work with others and how to be a better person, if not about how to play chamber music better.

As the end approaches, I am looking forward to the things that are happening next year. School starts a week after I get back, and I haven't thought at all about what's going on with that. There are still wedding things that need to be taken care of pretty quickly, which will be fun . . . but perhaps less fun with the stress of a semester wearing down on me, which is why I'd like to get as much taken care of early on as possible. The tricky thing will be that The Boy is now living in a different city than I, and certain things will be made considerably more difficult because of that. I have a feeling that the next few months while we're engaged and only able to see one another on the weekends will be trying times, but also that it will help us to better appreciate being together come January.

I was going to type a bunch of mushy stuff right here, but I don't want to be responsible for anyone's computer being ruined due to vomit. Suffice it to say, I will be glad to see The Boy again when I get back.

Plus the kitty and doggy. I had a dream the other night that when I got back, the kitty got really excited and jumped up on my shoulder (which, for the record, she has been known to do). I bet she's all growed up these days.

Thankfully, the MMF Spirit Committee has designed Spirit Week this week to break up the monotony during the last week here. Today is Mismatch day, so I'm sporting a pink and silver tank layered over a snakeskin blouse and a blue striped button-down, a periwinkle skirt and my grey yoga pants. This is the most excellent outfit I have ever worn in my life. I'm glad there will be something to make this week more tolerable, because I have a feeling it is going to take a long time to get to next Tuesday.