Serendipity.

Life is so unpredictable.

A week ago yesterday, Andy and I saw one of my former UNT colleagues, Derek, perform as the Evangelist in Bach's St. John's Passion with Chatham Baroque. Yesterday, as the eventual result of my attending that concert, I performed with the Pittsburgh Baroque Ensemble.

It all started with a Facebook ad.

It's taken us a while to get out to concerts since we've been in Pittsburgh. The very first musical performance I attended was pretty underwhelming, so maybe that was keeping me. Lots of them have been cost-prohibitive, as we're not exactly carrying around large sacks of money these days. Part of me, too, was afraid of how going to a concert would make me feel--that maybe it would remind me of my feelings of total inadequacy. For all of these reasons, I stayed away.

I happened to see an ad for Chatham Baroque on the sidebar in Facebook one day. Since the early music community is a small one, and the ad boasted of guest artists in the upcoming performance, I decided to click on it and see if I knew anyone who would be performing. Sure enough, I saw Derek, with whom I've performed on a number of occasions. Figuring he'd want to know there was a familiar face in the audience, I sent him a message letting him know we were planning on going. He replied, saying he'd comp our tickets (which ended up being a VERY good thing, because it turns out we wouldn't have been able to go otherwi$e).

After the performance (which was great), he and I chatted. He said he'd been telling some of the instrumentalists that there was a baroque cellist around, and that they were surprised and always happy to find local musicians. "You should contact them," he said.

Yeah, right. That is so not me.

But, I did it anyway.

I sent out three quick emails, and I only got one reply, from the Pittsburgh Baroque Ensemble. They were really excited to know I was around. I sent the email on Thursday, I think, and received a reply the same day. Friday afternoon, I received another email, saying that their cellist was sick; would I be able to come to a rehearsal this afternoon for a gig tomorrow? How's that for timing?

So (not having a baroque instrument), I tuned Gus (steel strings and all!) down to 415, and off I went to the rehearsal. It went well, and the director decided that whether or not their cellist was better by the concert, since I played the rehearsal it made more sense for me to play. (Unfortunately, the cellist didn't get the three messages left for her on the topic, so she showed up right before the downbeat, instrument in hand. Awkward all around. I felt bad . . . kind of.) Turns out it was a pretty cool gig--a benefit concert in support of Japan. The emcee was one of the hosts of the classical music station, and there were members of the Pittsburgh Symphony and other really good local musicians. It restored my faith in the music scene here.

A perfect confluence of events. If I hadn't seen that Facebook ad and decided to see who was performing . . . if I hadn't contacted Derek (with whom I was only barely acquainted) . . . if he hadn't offered the comps . . . if we hadn't had that little conversation . . . if I'd sent the email a day later . . . if the cellist hadn't gotten sick . . . if I hadn't been at my computer (I got the email an hour before the rehearsal) . . . if this hadn't been the perfect "experimental" gig to try out a new cellist . . . if if if . . . !

So, who knows what will come of this, if anything. But, the gig went well, and I think everyone was pleased (except the other cellist, probably). Just goes to show you the power of a little initiative, being prepared, and perhaps a little divine help.

New Bloggerdom

Visit Andy and my "Married Blog."

twohappycrazymormons.blogspot.com

My Totally Awesome Life

Well, married life, for those of you keeping score at home, is awesome. Let me paint a picture for you:

Our wedding day was practically perfect. There was a slight embarrassing moment close to the end of the day where the bride almost passed out. Don’t fret, though, everything’s fine. Too many things in combination: dehydration, low blood-sugar, tightly tied corset-back dress constricting oxygen flow to my brain, lots of standing, emotional stress . . . I was fine as soon as I got four glasses of water and out of the dress.

Other than that slight mishap, though, it was lovely. It was the most perfect day we could ever ask for in January—sunny and 70 degrees outside. We were able to take photos outside! It was great, and such a blessing. The weather in Texas is so unpredictable that even the week of, we had no idea whether we should expect it to be freezing or delightful—and thankfully, the latter happened to be the case.

The luncheon was perfect. We went to the Greenhouse Restaurant: the site of our first date. The food was delicious! It was fun to see our families gathered together for the first time. His mother was so excited and his father was beaming. We were having a lovely time.

We had a small ring ceremony right before the reception, where our good Bishop said some lovely words and we exchanged rings before our families. It was special and he did a wonderful job. Bless him for putting so much time and effort into our little ring ceremony!

The reception was lovely. The Wildwood Inn did a wonderful job, and thought of everything! It was so nice to not have to worry about this or that, and to just be able to enjoy our guests and the delicious food! What fun.

We honeymooned for a few days in San Antonio, where we enjoyed walking around the city and seeing all the sites that San Antonio has to offer. Our hotel was just steps away from anything we could have wanted to see, so we parked the car and only used it once, to go to church on Sunday. Other than that, we walked everywhere.

Now we’re back home. The Husband is at work right now as I sit in our living room typing in a word document (we don’t have internet at the apartment yet), we’re trying to get the place all pulled together before I start school again next week. It’s coming together nicely. We have been so blessed by the kindness and generosity of our friends and family and find ourselves lacking very little in the way of anything we need. The place is great. We have two lovely balconies that overlook the countryside. We look out our bathroom window and we see two horses. There are six happy dogs that greet us when we come home. It’s small, but we have everything we need, and even a few touches to make it more like a home. Our landlord is amazingly kind and wonderful (as I type this right now, he’s climbing on our roof to try and get our satellite TV working, bless his heart) and is so willing to help us with everything. We feel so blessed.

Pictures are on their way. I can’t find the cord to The Husband’s camera, so I can’t load them onto my computer and put them online when I get to the internet. So stay tuned, my faithful readers. And keep an eye out for the Andy and Rachel Blog Extravaganza! Because married people always should keep blogs.

In the mean time, here's a teaser to whet your palates.

Are we there yet??

Ahh, the wedding. We have reached 100% eat, sleep, and breathe wedding mode. Everything that I do anymore has something to do with the wedding. Hooray!

Within 24 hours, virtually my entire family on my dad's side will be in town here, to celebrate in the festivities. A joyous time indeed.

I wish I could enjoy it more. I'll be running wedding errands, and trying to move (right now, I'm about 90% at my parents' house vs. 10% at the new apartment).

At this point, I have all but given up on everything, and just want it to be over. Don't get me wrong--I am so excited about it that I can barely stand it--but there's just so much STUFF that needs to be done and I'm really beginning to doubt that it will all get done. I'm sure when it comes down to it, either it will or it won't, and if it doesn't then it must not have been that important anyway. I just wish that I could have some peace of mind in the midst of all the turmoil around me.

I know I'll survive, as all you married people have. I know it will all be worth it. I just want to see those results NOW not later.

My, how time flies.

As predicted, this month is whizzing by. It's already halfway through, and we're seventeen days away from our wedding. SEVENTEEN. Eep. There is still tons to do, but hopefully it will all get done somehow.

Now that school is over for the semester, I feel like I'm finally starting to believe that this is really happening. As soon as December hit, I began to suspect it was real, but I was still swimming with finals and juries and crazy gig weekends and losing my mind. My brain seems to be returning, for which I am grateful. I have missed it so.

In fact, it was to the point that I actually MISSED my jury this semester. I thought it was the day after it actually was. My pianist Kostya saw my teacher in the hallway, and called me right after that to tell me I had miscalculated my jury time by about 24 hours. Yikes. Thankfully, the faculty were mercifully understanding, and allowed me to play for them during a slot that had opened up the following day (which, by some strange coincidence, happened to be during the exact same ten-minute slot as my baroque jury, of all the ten-minute slots of the day). It all worked out, though, thankfully, and the juries went well, I think.

So, here we are. It's winter here, at least for now (Sunday it was 75 degrees outside, then Monday it had dropped to 24), and things are falling into place.

Oh yeah, and then there's Christmas. Guess I need to get out and do some shopping, in the midst of all my wedding errands.

Long December.

Welcome to the final month of my singleness, ladies and gentlemen. Here I am, putting off what I should be doing (practicing) to do something that has little or no merit at all. But I keep thinking of December, and how by the time it's finished, I will be just hours away from being a married woman. Nonetheless, December is a pretty wild and crazy month. It's prime time for a freelance cellist like myself to prostitute her skills out to various area churches, as well as it's finals and juries, and well . . . CHRISTMAS. It's one of those months where I just have to take one day at a time, but I know it's going to fly by. In the mean time, I'm trying to maintain a small semblance of sanity by highlighting exciting days in my brain:

Dec. 2 : Juries are over !
Dec. 4 : Last class day !
Dec. 5 : Details meeting @ Reception Venue !
Dec. 9 : Last final !
Dec. 10 : Final quartet performance / Baroque cello recital !
Dec. 24 : Christmas Eve / last Christmas church gig !
Dec. 27 : Temple Day !
Dec. 31 : New Year's Eve / Unca Chris's b-day fiesta !
Jan. 2 : Nuptials ! ! ! !

I keep telling myself I need to make it to the 10th before I really start thinking about wedding stuff, but so far that's not going so well. Ay, the whole month is already so busy! I can't believe it.

Life Goals

If I had all the time in the world, I would:

*Learn at least three languages other than English fluently (Spanish, French, Japanese?)
*Go to culinary school / become a foodie
*Write my memoirs
*Write a novel
*Start my vegetarian bakery-cafe
*Become a yogi
*Learn to juggle
*Learn to knit
*Sleep 8 hours every night
*Write more handwritten letters
*Learn how to play the piano
*Get a massage therapy license
*Get SCUBA certified
*Learn my orchestral excerpts really well and practice them daily and
*Learn and memorize all of the presidents of the U.S. in chronological order

Hey There, Delilah

I. Put your iTunes/Ruckus/Napster/etc on shuffle.
II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
III. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
IV. Tag 5 friends who might enjoy doing this. Whoever wants to can do it.

I had to weed through my playlist to get one with songs with titles, versus classical selections with opus numbers and so forth, and this is what I came up with.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
On & On - Erykah Badu

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
I'll Never Fall In Love - Elvis Costello

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
The Girl from Impanema - Astrud Gilberto ("tall, and tan, and young, and lovely . . .")

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hoodlehoo - Brak

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Pretty Woman - Al Green (that's pretty much the only reason I get up in the morning, because I am so pretty)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Desired Constellation - Bjork

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
What's Goin' On (Live) - Marvin Gaye

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Smile - Nat King Cole (awww)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
What a Wonderful Thing Love Is - Al Green (pretty much)

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
Nature Boy - John Pizzarelli Trio (huh?)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Red and Yellow - Liz Rhodes

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Do Right Woman, Do Right Man - Aretha Franklin

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
This Way Out - John Pizzarelli Trio

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Maybe - The Chantels (maybe I want to grow up, but probably not?)

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Zingor - Zorak ("I've got ants in my pants as I do the mating dance for Zingor . . .")

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
O Pato (The Duck) - Joao Gilberto (quack, quack)

17. WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Careless Love - the Hi-Los (ouch, I may want to rethink that one)

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Smile - Michael Lord (another ouch)

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Nearness of You - Norah Jones (oooooh baby)

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Let's Get it On - Marvin Gaye (that's right, I want to get it on with ALL OF YOU)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Searching - Erykah Badu

22. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Killing Me Softly with His Song - the Fugees (that would suck, yes)

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Feather Queen - Liz Rhodes

24. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I Just Called to Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder (I'll be waiting for that call)

25. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
How Sweet It Is to be Loved By You - Marvin Gaye

26. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Easy Living - Billie Holiday (yeah, my life's pretty good)

27. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's

A Message From Myself

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may." I forgot that I set that as the welcome message on my phone, and it made me a little reflective today. But I don't want to be reflective. I am in the mood for a silly post. So, here's a list of random memories in the recesses of my brain.

*In Sunday school once, the boy who used to chew on his socks (after having worn them) fell out of his chair while sitting next to me. Our teacher got mad at him, saying he could have maimed me for life. I didn't know what "maimed" meant, but it didn't sound good, so I was mad at him too.

*In second grade, I drew a picture of a Siamese cat named Ginger, in honor of my beloved cat-loving teacher by the same first name. When I showed it to her, she said, "That's my first name!" and I said, "I know. I named it after you!" Now that I think of it, I don't know if she was happy about that or not.

*I had a really bad dream once when I was quite small. A big, fat, round thing (rope? I don't really know what it was) and a tiny little piece of string. The big, fat, thing smashed the little piece of string. For some reason, that imagery really disturbed me, so much that I woke up crying. My parents came in and comforted me, saying something about how it wasn't fair that the big thing picked on the little thing, but it wasn't any concept behind the dream, but the actually imagery of it that disturbed me so much.

*In middle school, my friends and I had code names for boys we liked. We thought we were being so clever, saying "Baylor" instead of "Taylor" and "Codfish" instead of "Cody."

*My friend Jamey had a sweet dog (cocker spaniel, I think) named Crystal, and a stuffed monkey named Virgil.

RMH, This is Your Life!

Wow, what a whirlwind. I've had several blogworthy insights in the past few weeks, yet have not had the luxury of recording them (the irony of bloggerdom: if you have the time to blog, you often have nothing to blog about; if you have lots to say, you don't have the time to write it out). C'est la vie. My brilliant insights would have carried titles like "What's in a name?" or "An ounce of Preparation" or "Fast Friends." They would have been really good posts. You'd have loved them. But, those insights are probably lost forever: a testament to the fact that being busy isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

Mainly, I just can't believe I'm really and truly at this point in my life. I'm a graduate student. I'm a TA. I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm getting married in just over two months!

I had my first dress fitting on Monday, and it was kind of surreal. There I was, in the store, all dressed in white, being fitted for a WEDDING gown. Crazy. However, though I have been excited all along, I think after four months of engaged-ness, reality is finally beginning to set in. I picked up the invitations today, and it's all starting to look more and more like real life.

And my life is awesome right now. Exceedingly.

Rachel . . .

Rachel is . . .
*inconsistent
*engaged to the most wonderful boy in the world
*a lover, not a fighter
*100% biodegradable
*somewhat flaky
*a respecter of the written word
*unsure of her dreams
*selfish
*much more eloquent on paper than in person

Rachel is not . . .
*who she would like to be
*a pro-wrestler
*a polyglot, much as she would like to be
*humble
*Grace Kelly
*a good liar

Rachel likes . . .
*Andrew K. Richardson
*Johannes Brahms
*cooking and baking
*really good hugs
*snuggling
*handwritten expressions of appreciation
*fall weather
*sunsets
*animals


Rachel does not like . . .
*herself, a lot of times
*inappropriate use of windshield wipers
*the vacuum created when only one car window is open
*neon colors
*radio commercials
*olives
*driving
*dirty socks
*waking up

In poor form.

This week has not been a good one for me. In fact, I have been pretty miserable the whole time. I feel like I have not done a single thing right all week. I am like Midas, only backwards: everything I touch turns to [expletive deleted]. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything that is important to me. I feel lonely. I feel like a dismal failure who will never amount to anything because I cannot figure out how to progress and overcome the weaknesses that I have already diagnosed and treated. It frustrates me to no end that I can't just learn the lesson and move on.

It occurred to me today that this lack of progress is a function of pride. I suppose all along that has been the missing link: humility. After all, why would I bother trying to make improvements upon a lesson I've "already learned?" Alas, I haven't ever really learned anything, and that's why I'm still here, wiggling around with the other worms, not living up to my potential.

I hate it. I hate it so much that I just want to shake myself and say, "Enough already! Let's get on with it!" Unfortunately, it's not that easy. I have a lot of stuff I need to work through. I feel completely overburdened right now, and the fact of the matter is that I have no one on earth that I can blame for my burdens other than myself--this, in turn, leads to more guilt and more weight on my load. Since everything has been sub-par this week, it all stands as a testament to how I cannot do anything right, and I am reassured of my destiny as a colossal failure.

In reality, I know that the things that have been going wrong this week are actually pretty small things in the grand scheme. I suppose that's not the point. It's a mental and emotional thing. I have spent this week convincing myself that I am a failure, and these little things were just evidence supporting my case. This is (and, I fear, will continue to be) a recurring theme in my life. I go through these phases where everything in my sight is colored by the lens of self-deprecation, and life seems to spiral downward from there. Irrational as I know it is, that haunting little voice inside of me is always the first one there to let me know when I've messed up, and to help me assess the damage to my worth. And irrational as I know it is, I almost always believe that little voice.

Again, let me be clear about a few things: I know I don't exactly have a hard life. I have a wonderful, supportive family and a dear, loving fiance who are rooting for me and are there for me. I know that God loves me and has a plan for me, and His plan is bigger than my character flaws. I have been so blessed that I can't even begin to list; I know I have a lot to be grateful for. However, none of this diminishes the fact that I am not where I need to be--nor that I don't even know where that is.

I don't believe that I have ever, in my LIFE, lived up to my potential. I came closest when I was very young, but even then I was limited in my view. I had high standards for myself and my own performance, but those standards were defined by my environment and not by my own ability. I never really tried to be my best, only enough to be better than anybody else (if it was something I was really good at), or to fall somewhere comfortably in the middle of the pack (if it was something I was not so good at). I've been aware of this fact for a while, so I wonder why I don't try to do something about it. Something is holding me back, something that is really crippling me. Or am I crippling myself?

It's a long way down to rock bottom, but there's also an intimidatingly large gap between my current position and the top. And after all these years of trying, I have no idea how to climb . . .

In Loving Memory

Harold Takeo Higa
(23 February 1922 - 14 September 2008)



Thanks for all your prayers on behalf of me and my family. We have felt the love so deeply in this time of mourning, and know that Grandpa Higa was well loved. I know it's silly, but I thought I should do a little post to memorialize my Grandpa. This little plot of cyberspace is nothing much, and certainly cannot hold a candle to his legacy, but it's one of the few venues in my life where I can take a selfish moment if I want to. So, here are the remarks I gave at his memorial service on Thursday, September 25. (The first prose cited is John Donne's "Meditation." The quote about the second Donne poem comes from "Wit," a movie starring Emma Thompson, which happens to be one of my favorite films of all time.)


“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were. Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”

Each of us is a product of the people in our lives: every person we meet changes us to some degree, and we carry this influence with us ever after. We have gathered here today to celebrate a legacy we all share—of a man who has touched our hearts and played a significant role in shaping our lives. Indeed, when our dear ones leave us, as we recognize today, it is natural to feel sorrow. We will feel it untimely, and we will sense the world around us is diminished as the result of the loss. These feelings are nearly inevitable, but with open hearts, we begin to realize that our life here on earth is finite by definition. In a plan that is much larger than each of us as individuals, we see that “to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1), and that “life” has a broader definition than a breath or a heartbeat.

I feel blessed to be a part of the ripple of family in Grandpa’s sphere of influence. Family was important to my Grandpa, and I never saw him happier than when he was surrounded by his nearest and dearest. I remember one summer when all of us—Grandma, Grandpa, their daughters and sons-in-law, and all us cousins—gathered for a family reunion in Laie. This gathering meant a lot to Grandpa, who would bring it up at least daily during each of our subsequent visits. You could see in his sparkling eyes and hear in his tender voice as he reminisced about that reunion, even years later, that it meant the world to him to be with his family. When Grandpa passed away, he did so surrounded by his family, those who are present here today in person as well as those in spirit. He was blessed to have loved ones to bid him a temporary farewell from this life, but also to have others welcome him to his new chapter in the life beyond. We can all take comfort in the fact that his deep love for his family and friends is certainly strong enough to transcend this momentary separation.

Imagine the joyous reunion that took place when Grandpa joined his parents and other loved ones gone before him who had touched his life just as he has touched each of ours. Freed from the burden of pain and of other physical limitations, Grandpa is now in a place of peace and respite. He is certainly beaming at least as much now amongst his family and friends as he did with all of us at Laie. While surely he misses us, as we miss him, he can feel the love we send to him and can watch over us and send us his love in return. Love cannot be restrained by distance or separation, even if the separation is across the border of mortality.

Times like this give us pause to reflect upon our existence, and to gain a greater perspective on life and all its forms—from mortality to life everlasting. As we ponder, we realize that this is not the final chapter, but rather a transitory one, which marks not the end of a life, but the beginning of a life everlasting. John Donne emphasizes how temporary it is in one of his Holy Sonnets:

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure—then, from thee much more must flow;
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones and soul’s delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke. Why swell’st thou then?
One short sleep passed, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more, death, thou shalt die.

Through this poem, we see that “[n]othing but a breath, a comma separates life from life everlasting. Life, death, soul, God, past present. Not insuperable barriers. Not semi-colons. Just a comma.” What seems to us in our limited view as an insurmountable hurdle is actually no more than a moment, nothing greater than a breath. Beyond that breath are so many of our dear ones that have gone before us, awaiting the opportunity to be with us once again. We can celebrate the influence of our loved ones as it resonates in our own lives, and we can be assured that they are enjoying life everlasting with so many others who have touched their lives. These bonds extend forever in both directions, and the end of this mortal life is nothing but a comma in the midst of a volume so magnificent that we can find neither end nor beginning.

Put another way by Rossiter Worthington Raymond (1840-1918), we can see that “life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon, and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.”

Tag, I'm it!

I used to love these surveys--they were all over my xanga (remember xanga?). So, I'll happily oblige you, Tally.

Did you date someone from your school?
I had a "boyfriend" for about a week or so in 9th grade, but it was super-awkward and I broke up with him when he hugged another girl in front of me in the hallway--real mature, I know. After that, I only went on a handful of dates (very few of them repeat dates), and fell in love a few thousand times.


What kind of car did you drive?
1991 Nissan Stanza, maroon: "Stanley." He was a good car--standard transmission, which made me feel pretty slick.


High School Memories

Were you a party animal?
My weekends consisted mostly of saran-wrapping, documentary-making, and Disney-channel-watching. Party hearty.

Were you considered a flirt?
Not a flirt, but definitely boy-crazy. And a cuddle-slut.

Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?
Or-chest-ra

Were you a nerd?
Probably a lot.

Were you on any varsity teams?
I lettered in orchestra. And PALS (Peer Assistance Leadership Skills)

Did you ever get suspended or expelled?
I used to get early-morning detentions all the time for being tardy to first block. I never understood how they thought I could make it to an early detention at 7:55 (or whenever it was) if I couldn't make it to my class at 8:40.

Who were your favorite teachers?
Sra. Parton (whom I had for all 4 years of Spanish and for some reason just loved me), Doc Edwards ("Don't be an intellectual pansy!" / "Read the WHOLE BOOK!"), Doc Bowman (for his impeccable taste in classic films), Maria "Mario Heffers" Jeffers ("Think of all the starving kids in Africa who don't get a chance to play the cello!"), Mr. Roth ('cause he used to throw erasers at people).

Could you still sing the fight song?
Not in the least.

Where did you sit during lunch?
"Instrumental Hall" (since we shared it with the band, we couldn't call it the band hall or the orchestra room and still be politically correct) or the Mormon Table

What was your school's full name?
Billy C. Ryan High School (named after the great football coach--ahh, Texas)

Did you go to Homecoming?
It was my first official date sophomore year, with Josh Terry. Junior year I went on a blind date with this totally adorable boy named Zack, I think. Senior year was one of the most uncomfortable dates I've ever been on with a kid in one of my classes to whom I'd scarcely ever spoken.

What do you remember most about graduation?
Ben Lynch's talk was way better than Donna Ean's, the orchestra sounded a lot worse from outside of it, and it was really hot outside.

Where did you go senior skip day?
We didn't have a senior skip day--we were too much of slackers to organize one!

Were you in any clubs?
Spanish Club, NHS, Spanish NHS, PALS, French Club, and (of course) The Clique

Have you gained some weight since then?
Depressingly large amounts of weight

Are you going to your 10 year reunion?
*shrug* It'll be fun to give people a chance to feel better about themselves when they see that I'm a starving artist and they're rich

System Overload!

There is so much going on right now I don't even know where to start. Never before have I been so blessed and so tried at the same time. I can already tell this year is going to be a huge learning experience for me.

I've started into my new job, TAing for the baroque orchestra. It's been really good so far, and I'm enjoying it very much. I still don't know how much I'll be making, but it's the perfect job for me right now. I've already got a few gigs lined up for this semester, which is also nice. Hooray for being gainfully employed! Wedding plans are crawling along, and I'm excited to delve deeper into those once I figure out when I have time to do so. I have the most wonderful fiancé in the world--he's such a blessing in my life, and it means the world to me to have his support and loving hand in such crazy times as this . . .

Today is my birthday: at 4:54 AM, I turned 24.

A few hours later, about 5 AM Hawai'i time (about 9 AM here), my grandfather passed away. He's been battling cancer for the past few months, and the last few weeks in particular have been rough. We've all been expecting it, but it's still a lot to process. He died peacefully, surrounded by family, and his physical suffering is now come to an end. It's really kind of a relief, actually, but it's always sad when someone you love leaves the planet.

To add to the pile of already conflicting emotions and stresses, I spoke in church today. For those unfamiliar with the LDS Church, our sermons are not given by preachers or priests, but instead by members of the congregation. My commission was to give a 15 minute talk on "Opening Our Hearts," based on a talk from our General Conference which was not itself any more than probably seven minutes long. I scarcely made it to the podium before I burst into tears, and only slightly regained composure after that.

Yet another dimension to this is the fact that I've been asked to speak at Grandpa's funeral. I'm to be the last speaker, and to speak on eternal families. In the LDS Church, we have a strong belief in eternal families, and the importance of the family in God's plan. Interestingly enough, though, I'm going to be speaking to an audience of people who are not themselves LDS. I really need some help to give this talk, because it's something so dear to my heart, and I know my emotions will be just barely below the surface. I need help to be able to deliver such an important, meaningful, and timely message with the dignity and clarity it requires.

All in all, my heart and my brain are both on overload. I just don't know where to place all this information (the hormones probably aren't helping--Thanks, Aunt Flo!), and I find myself completely at a loss as to how to react to anything. I guess all I can do is to continue to thank the Lord for all the blessings in my life and all the many opportunities. It will take a while for me to sort through all of this, but in the mean time I'm glad to have the support of a wonderful family and a great fiancé. I am so blessed.

The Juxtaposition Game

Lately, I've been thinking of how it's funny to put things that are different against one another and laugh at what separates them. Everybody likes to laugh at differences! Here're a few gems:




How the Democratic National Convention does cowboy hats. They look like pretty normal people, right?




How the G.O.P. Convention does cowboy hats. Now, I'm not making any political statements here, but I will say that I have a hard time taking people seriously who dress in matching cowboy hats if they're anyplace but a rodeo (or, y'know, my high school's Honor Guard).

Here's another one:



"Hi, I'm a Mac."




" . . . and I'm a PC." I particularly like how they're doing the same thing, but Steve Jobs just looks SO MUCH COOLER than ol' Bill Gates.

Then, of course, "it's like . . . "








There you go. Lots of fun, eh?

10 Things I Used to Dislike But Now Like:

1. Drinking water. I guess when you're a kid you're all about milk and Kool-Aid and stuff (not that my mom let me drink Kool-Aid as a kid), and I thought water was gross. Nowadays, I can't get enough of the stuff.

2. Taking showers (versus baths). You can't splash as well, but it makes rinsing your hair easier.

3. Brushing my teeth. I used to be a terrible brusher, but I think I was scared straight when I had two cavities once. Ever since then, I get nothing but rave reviews from the dentist, and take great pride in my oral hygiene.

4. Tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, sharp cheddar, mustard, pepper, oatmeal cookies, yellow squash, grape nuts, fish, sprouts, Altoids, and dark chocolate.

5. Attending classical music concerts.

6. The fact that I'm half-Japanese.

7. Cleaning my room.

8. Nonfiction.

9. Exercising.

10. Sleeping.

My Birthday Wishlist

As you all know, my birthday is rapidly approaching. I don't want you all to stress out about finding me the perfect gift, so in order to make it easy for you, I'll post some great gift ideas in varying price ranges, although in no particular order.

*Canon PowerShot 8.0 MP digital ELPH camera. I don't really expect this at all, but the real fact of the matter is that I don't expect to get ANYTHING on my list, so I can dream, right?? I somewhat hate my current digital camera, and I've heard nothing but positive reviews from those who have Canons.

*Heroes, particularly season 1 (but secondarily season 2)

*a bike lock

*gift cards are always fun

*the Black Hole rockstop

*mechanical pencils

*a Korg tuner

*your favorite CD

Home again, home again . . . jiggity jig.

Well, Texas is as Texan as ever, and I'm glad to be back in the Lone Star State. That said, I should also say that I do, in fact, miss those wonderful people with whom I spent those six weeks in Vermont, albeit some more than others. There were some really neat kids there, and I hope to cross paths again someday . . .

Nevertheless, the reigning emotion is definitely a happy one. I got to see the Pre-Hub for a little while right when I got in, which was nice. I am now sure, though, that it's going to be rough for these next four months or so when we won't be able to see very much of one another. It'll all work out, though.

Auntie, Uncle, and Cousin blew in from Boulder last night and left this afternoon. They met The Boy whilst he was visiting the Denver area a few weeks ago, and (of course) they reported positively on the meeting. They said they were impressed he was so composed and such a good sport about it all. I got a good one, that's for sure. :-)

I cannot believe school starts next week. I have hardly even thought of it. In fact, I somewhat forgot that I even WENT to school--I guess it's just been the last thing on my mind what with wedding stuff and then Vermont-ness. Strange, really.

Yikes.

If I thought I was anxious to be home before, I am at least twenty times more anxious now. Recent events have left me totally disenchanted with the human race, for reasons which I don't really feel good about publishing on my so widely read blog. The main point is that I feel like there have been violations of basic human decency; this, added to the already rampant gossip and backbiting that is going on, leaves me completely exhausted and dreaming of a place where people can at least pretend to get along.

It's been a while since I've been the recipient of such anger (for a few moments, I thought I'd NEVER been, but I quickly remembered distinctly another such instance), and I just don't do well with being yelled at. I'm a lover, not a fighter, and in my mind, everyone should just be able to get along, at least enough to have a positive working relationship.

The negativity of this environment has proven very toxic, and unfortunately it's also completely contagious. The moment one person starts finding faults and pointing them out, everyone else will find other things that should be different, people who should be fired, people who should be forbidden to talk, etc. Soon, everyone around is criticizing everyone else, but no one is saying anything to anyone's face. The result is an environment where people don't trust one another, and where very little growth will take place.

I've been largely unsuccessful myself in maintaining innocence as far as all this goes. I complain along with everyone else, because--at least for a time--it makes me feel a little better about the situation. Interestingly enough, the universal bitching at least lends a certain sense of unity; after all, misery loves company. However, the truth is that no amount of negativity is ever productive. There is certainly something to be said for candid (but careful) honesty, and for constructive criticism, but one never needs to resort to being unkind, being curt, or disobeying the common laws of human decency.

That said, I would just like to say that Tuesday cannot possibly come soon enough. I'm ready to be in a positive environment again.